Tight shoulders. Seeing floaters. Sugar cravings. Sleepless nights. Headaches. The symptoms crept up, one on top of the other, until my body couldn’t take it anymore and I wound up useless and cranky, completely and utterly depleted.
Stress had, once again, taken over.
Recognizing my symptoms, I suggested my husband and I hop in the car and run an errand or two to talk it out. (Really, we have our best talks in the car. One of my most favorite part about road trips is the conversations that happen on the open road.)
“So, what’s the source of your stress?” he asked. After a pause, I responded, “You know, I think am just. So. Angry.” A situation beyond my control for the past few years has resulted in continual emotional roller coasters, empty promises, and broken relationships.
Years and years of this have left me angry, bitter, stressed out, and exhausted. There are no easy answers to the situation, and despite our pleas and prayers, God has remained silent. No relief. No rescue.
Later that day, this popped up in my Instagram from Lysa TerKeust:
Pray. Trust. Release. Find peace.
I was doing none of those.
I had given up on praying, having deemed the situation beyond God’s notice and caring.
I hadn’t trusted that He has a plan in the midst of roller coasters and a downward spiral of chaos.
I hadn’t released it to Him; rather, I was bearing a burden that wasn’t mine.
As a result, peace has eluded me for a very, very long time.
Moving forward, I pray that I make this a daily exercise, to trust His plan enough to release the burdens to Him that are not even mine to carry, and find peace in the waiting.